About Me

Like a lot of us out there who carry around a little extra, my weight is something that I've pretty continuously struggled with for as long as I can remember. I mostly dealt with being a little pudgier than most during high school without a thought about ever trying to become more active or eating better to lose it.

High School Me - Happily Pudgy

Then, I went to college where I gained the freshman 15, and then some. But even then, it never really hit me that I was not just overweight, but technically obese. Then one day during my sophomore year of college, I got a wake up call from a doctor. Growing up, my family doctor had never mentioned my weight. But this one, some random woman in a college health center, was exactly what I needed. She was straightforward and told me I needed to do something. She recommended using Weight Watchers, and I signed up online the same day.

My 22nd Birthday - Around my heaviest time.

It took me a long time during college. I had my ups and my downs. I abandoned the plan for a few months. But eventually, I lost just over 50 pounds and was finally (or so I thought) happy with my body on the day I graduated.

My college graduation day.

But something had happened during my weight loss. Even though I was more active than I had ever been and thinner than I had ever been I wasn't happy. Watching every single thing I ate and recording every single calorie I burned wasn't making me happy - it was making me obsessive. So I made a conscious decision to take a break from the counting and the constant activity. I went to law school in a brand new city, and let myself relax and enjoy life and try to just survive school.

Fall of 2010

And relax and survive I did. I relaxed so much that I forgot the core principles of everything I had learned during my initial loss. Instead of learning from my past mistakes, when I gained those first 10 pounds back, I became frustrated with myself. But instead of taking control and cutting back, I just started to hate myself. I lost all the respect I had gained for my body and overindulged. I stopped running as much. 

Finally, in April 2012, something clicked with me. As I started training for my 4th half-marathon, I realized that in all my years of running, I hadn't grown much faster, even though the endurance was still there. None of my clothes fit the way I wanted them to anymore. And I stepped on the scale and saw a number that frightened me. I had regained 30 of those pounds that I had fought so hard to lose in college, even though I had sworn to myself that I would never regain them.

May 2012

And so now I'm back at it, fighting for my health and my body. It's not easy - I live in a city full of indulgences and still have a year to go of a stressful education. And I'm extremely aware that the last time I tried this, it consumed me. So my goals for this time are as follows:

1. Return to the weight I was when I graduated from college.

2. Get to that weight in a healthy manner, without obsessing.

3. Take running more seriously, and actually try to improve.

4. Enjoy life.

It's one day at a time over here, but each day, I'm trying.